Dr. Patricia "Don't-Call-Me" Evasion
Chief Non-Response Officer
30 years of experience in not returning phone calls. Holds advanced degrees in Deflection Studies and Strategic Ambiguity from institutions that do not appear to exist. Certified in Advanced Excuse Generation, Level III. Recipient of the 2022 Silence Is Golden Award. Has never been photographed answering a direct question.
Colonel Raymond "Red-Tape" Bureaucrat
Director of Deflection Services
Decorated military career followed by two decades of civilian stonewalling. Author of "101 Ways to Say 'That's Not My Department'" (second edition pending approval — approval request submitted 2021). Current record: 47 consecutive days without answering a direct question. Working on extending that record.
Ms. Sandra "Check-Back" Runaround
VP of Circular Reasoning
Expert in creating endless loops of referrals. Pioneered the "Department A sends you to Department B who sends you back to Department A" protocol, now adopted by 14 VA facilities nationwide. Motto: "I'll have to get back to you on that." She won't. She never does. This is part of the process.
Mr. Harold "In-A-Meeting" Unavailable
Chief of Perpetual Training
Ensures all staff are in meetings, at conferences, or on mandatory training during all business hours. Has never been seen at his desk. His voicemail has been full since 2019. Some say he doesn't exist. HR confirms he is "on the books." His office appears occupied but the chair has never moved. We've checked.
Schedule a Meeting with Leadership
No availability shown? Submit Form VA-MTGREQ-12 (Request to Request a Meeting) to be placed on the waitlist.
Current waitlist: 847 veterans | Estimated availability: Q2 2027